Today I filled out a stupid questionnaire on fb - "what color is your aura?" Yeah yeah I know, I succumbed because I was bored or something. Actually I know why I did it, it was a something not boredom. A something called distraction. I needed one and it didn't work. I actually decided that facebook is really smart on occasion - this dumb test told me that my aura is black and I am afraid I have to agree. One of the questions asked what I wanted to be and I answered a hermit. That was an honest answer and one that is rather wishful thinking.
Did I ever tell you I met a hermit and taught him on my mission? His name was Mr Hardman and I loved that man but that is another story.
I have a problem, I get on facebook because I like to know how my friends are but I don't have to talk to them unless I feel like it - the hermit thing again. My problem is that I don't have a lot in common with them anymore. Sometimes the differences make me angry, sometimes they make me sad and sometimes they leave me with a huge hole in my heart that feels like it will never be filled again. Of course all of those emotions make me feel guilty because I choose not to be involved where there are differences.
For example, a lot of my friends have missionaries out in the field. They are amazing young men and women who are making a difference in places all over the world. I love what they are doing - I just don't want to hear about it anymore. My sweet son will never experience these things anymore, he belongs to an exclusive club called ERMs. Early Returned missionaries. Sad that there are enough of them that they now have an acronym. But there are some things that I wish people would know and understand about these sweet young adults and their families.
1- I know you miss your missionary. Please understand that I am not lucky to see my son again and spend time with him. I do love seeing him again but I wish a million times he were back out in the mission field. You see, I miss my missionary too. I miss the spirit his letters brought into my home, I miss the growth I could see in him day by day, and you know what, he misses the mantle and the spirit even more than I do.
2- He isn't going to be your typical returned missionary. He never had time to finish the process and right now he is a little lost. Please don't expect too much of him, but encourage him to talk about his mission and share his testimony, and please be grateful your child will have the opportunity to finish that two years/18 months. The time makes such a difference. I know Heavenly Father will make up the difference but it won't happen overnight.
3 - If you have children his age, please explain to them that he needs their friendship and support. The hardest thing my son has experienced has been the feeling of rejection he has felt from his closest friends who are home. The missionary friends have been wonderful - so supportive and full of love. The ones at home have really hurt him.
4 - Please don't be hurt if I don't comment or ask about your missionary as often as I used to. I love your children as much as I ever did and I pray for them each night. However, some days it is all I can do to breathe.
5 - He was honorably released - there is a very small chance he will return and that is ok. He already feels like a failure and hates himself, please don't ask or pressure him about going back to the mission field. Believe me, if it were his choice right now that is where he would be. It was much easier there than it is here. He was honorably released and that is enough said
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6 - He loves the Lord and has a testimony - this wasn't about that. I am grateful for that and the Lord is going to use him. Heavenly Father has a plan for him. He is loved by the Lord. All of those things I know.
I hope you can understand why I am telling you all of this. Maybe it will help someone understand a little more about this process and those of us who are going through it. I hope no one who reads this has to go through it but if you do please feel free to talk to us. I love you all and so appreciate your love and friendship!
